Lately I’ve been fighting the selfishness that I adopted from my first parents (Adam and Eve).  It doesn’t take work to be selfish (the same is true with our kids, but that’s for another blog).  It doesn’t take any effort to think that I am vastly more important than everyone else around me.

What takes effort is to daily drag my aching, screaming, contemptuous heart into the Throne Room of God to “receive mercy and find grace to help in time of need”.  What takes a miracle is to notice the selfishness that sometimes lays a little more dormant than other times, but is always staking it’s residency in my heart.

It’s easy enough to believe that this selfishness makes me less appealing to God… like He must somehow love me less for it.  Heck, when folks around me are remarkably selfish, I don’t really like them as much.  But as it says in the Psalms (I believe it is), “He is mindful of us that we are but dust”.  He isn’t surprised or taken aback by our selfish wayward nature.  He invented us and though He invented us to walk in obedience, He also is very much aware that our obedience won’t be complete until our bodies are decomposing in the dirt they came from.

One thing I have noticed, however, is that when I am made aware (by grace) of my own selfishness, that I press into Him.  I know I can’t defeat this on my own.  I’ve tried a million times over to make my own heart soft and it just doesn’t work… but when I place my heart in the Potter’s hand and ask Him to make it pliable and kind, it is as though miracles explode before my eyes.

And relationship is deepened.  I have sought the Lord and He has answered.

When I am seeking to mend my own heart, I am like a child tucked in a corner, attempting with all my might to fix my broken toy.  When my Father outstretches His arms and offers help, I jerk away.  “I will fix it myself!”, I cry defiantly.  When I become a little wiser, I will find my Father nearby, ever watchful, waiting for the one He loves to bring my brokenness.  I bring the toy in my tiny hands and offer it up to the one who can actually repair.  He mends it.  I adore Him for it.  He has healed what I could not and won my affections by doing so.

So often we perceive that God must feel about us as we feel about others… their neediness makes us want to stand aloof.  But God is not like us.  He does not scoff at us for needing help.  He is like a loving Father, who enjoys offering help to His beloved children.  Do not be afraid to carry your needs and struggles to Him, for even His word tells us to come boldly to do so.

May your days sparkle in mysterious wonder… and may His grace fill your hearts and minds.

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