Heart Wrestling

I really despise having to wrestle my own heart!  You know, those moments when you just feel like crying out “Foul” on whoever just did you wrong.  And then hardening your heart rather than choosing to forgive.  Forgiveness is hard business.  Love is hard business.

But what is the alternative?  To become increasingly calloused by all of the injustices done to us… Because that’s exactly what happens when we don’t forgive.  We get more and more hardened, angry, self-pitying, begrudging and hostile to the whole, wide world around us.  We begin (quickly) to think this world owes us something.  We think that our lives ought to be rosy, because, by golly, this world revolves around us, doesn’t it?

So, once again, I take my heart to the Maker and plead that He would wet the clay of my hardening heart and continue to mold it in His masterful hands, continue to keep it pliable.

This world doesn’t owe me anything.  And if I continue to demand apologies from those unwilling to apologize, then I also harden my heart against realizing how much unmerited forgiveness I have received, and what an injustice was done to Christ, in order that I would benefit eternally.

So, I surrender, once again.  I will forgive seventy times seven, because this world may not owe me a thing, but I DO owe Christ my affections, my heart, my surrender, the humility to acknowledge that I am often unloving, as well.  And I really, really don’t want to have a hard heart.  So, here it is, Father, make it pliable!

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